A Goodbye to Grandpa

First of all, sorry I haven't done a blog in a while. We have missed some milestones including my first Hollow ween and Giving Thanks Day. There are some photos included at the bottom of the page of both including me dressed in what's called a costume: I'm dressed like Dad (or Tall Man or Jake(?)) from Planet State Farm. It was a lot of fun. I have included a photo of me hanging out with my cousins Jet and Turbo as well. I also hung out with Nana and PaPa on both occasions and with them last week for a reason that didn't involve a holiday.

It seems my Grandpa Fox has gone to Heaven to see the Tall Man's Mema and Papa so I won't get to see him anymore and that makes me sad. It also makes me sad to see Mom and the tall man so sad...I can tell they loved Grandpa almost as much as they love me. But, I got to see Grandpa a few times before he made the trip and he always made me smile, and I could tell that I made him smile too. He always called me Buddy or Bosco. How rude to call someone by something other than their name.

I always like to look at the positives in life. That's why I was happy to see so many people support the tall man, Aunt Suzy Q and Grandma Fox. At Visiting Time, I got passed around like a hot potato between Grandma's sisters, Grandpa's friends and Nana and PaPa. I got to know a lot of people who I'm sure will be in my life for a long time. The best part is they are full of memories of how great Grandpa was and they can pass those down and his memory can live with me forever. And that makes me feel good.

Haircuts and Hayrides

Well, the Missouri Tigers tried pretty hard on Saturday to keep me from becoming a fan. But before that, I had a pretty eventful day. First, I went to a place called the Groom Room and got the fuzzy patch on my head shortened. I'm only four and a half months old, which everybody made a big deal about because I guess it's early. Everybody also made a bid deal about how happy I was to be having the procedure done. But I tend to be happy when most things are going on, so I don't know what all the fuss was about. I mean, there were movies on and she put something in my hair that made it stick straight up like Jimmy Neutron...who wouldn't love that?

After I got my slick new 'do, Mom and the tall man took me to the land south of Columbia, where we spent the afternoon at a patch for pumpkins. There were animals that made the dog look boring, a corn maze and what I think was just a big high chair. Then came the best part: I got wrapped in a blanket and a tractor took us to the patch where I got to pick out a pumpkin. We pretty much picked out the first one we saw because my wussy parents wanted to get back to the car where it was warm. But that's o.k. We got what we came for.

On the way home, the parents got hot chocolates to rub it in that I didn't have my bottle. Then we got home and I watched the first of two football games for the weekend. First, during the Mizzou game, the tall man used language that was new and exciting. I will totally be using it, you know, when I can talk. Then, on Sunday, we watched the Chiefs where there seemed to be more positive vibes flowing. I think I may be able to like them - almost as much as I like haircuts and hayrides!

Bath Time Just Got Weird

Well, there goes my Original Sin. Whoosh. Last Sunday, I done got baptized and not a moment too soon...I could feel sin bubbling up inside me. Everyone was there: Nana, Papa, Grandma and Grandpa Fox, Jet and Turbo, a man in a beard and a robe, The tall man's shorter friend, whom I'm told is my Godfather, and probably others...if I could count, there would be too many to count. Here's an adorable picture of me in my church clothes, not that I'm bragging.

3 Months and Counting!

Today we are celebrating Labor Day, which I thought was all about me because it has now been three months since my mom went into labor.  We went on a fabulous vacation this weekend where I once again got to hang out with my parents and my grandparents: all while the dog was on vacation at Boarding School! What a great weekend...

10 Weeks Old!

Welp, here we are 70 days into the life of me, Elijah James Fox. It's been a pretty good ride. I've been very busy learning how to be a functioning human, so that's why I haven't written in a while. Sorry you had to read that nonsense from the dog. Mom got to hang out with me a lot over the first 70 days, but now she has to go hang out with other people's kids all day, even though she seems not to like other people's kids.

Guest Author!

Hello it's me, the dog. Charles M. Barkley Fox III. Charlie for short. The baby has been shirking his duties and not blogging so I get chance to shine. You need to hear from me for a change. I get a bad rap...everybody blames everything on the dog: the odor in the house, nobody getting any sleep, not being able to hold the baby downstairs. First of all, I love the baby. I keep trying to introduce myself formally by licking him and sniffing his butt. That's what we dogs do. Feel free to bring him downstairs! We're brothers, it's fine.

As for those other things, I'm pretty sure the baby is emitting both noises and stenches, so let's pump the brakes. As a result of being blamed for things/the baby being the flavor of the month, I'm left downstairs by myself. I get lonely, so I chew things occasionally. So, yes, I can be blamed for 'ruining' some things out of boredom, but my biggest crime is loving my family so much that I want to hang out with them! I'm the one being abandoned here.

On a positive note, The humans: Aggressive Tennis Ball Thrower and Accordian Woman, have started letting me out my crate (deathcage) at night, so I am free to lounge on the furniture. Feel free to peruse the photos below. Overall, I hope to be friends with the boy and, truth be told, it really is a good, little family I've stumbled into...but don't tell any of them I said that.

Those Aren't Pillows!

Being in the real world makes you hungry! Since being born a little over two weeks ago, I just always feel famished. Poor Mom...she has to be there every time I eat for some reason, so I've gotten really good at verbally letting her and the tall man - Dad, his name is Dad - know it's time to feed. The system seems to work pretty well: I project my concerns and I get rewarded with food, except when they try to 'console' me by putting me in the swing or putting the pacifier in - Let's go people, we're wasting time.

By the way, happy Father's Day to all the tall men out there. I bought my pops a whole bag of colored candy treats...and he didn't even have to cry to get them. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what he did to deserve it. At any rate, he can taste the rainbow while I hit the bottle: that would make a good country song.

So, my relationship with the parents is good. My relationship with the dog is still a little touch-and-go. He does seem to have lightened up a bit. The family has gone on a couple of family walks now that the new vehicle seat and stroll contraption have arrived. Even though it's very strange for me to be rolling around looking at the world from a chair inside a vehicle, I often find myself just nodding off to sleep. But then as soon as we get back, I'm ready to eat again! Speaking of which, I gotta go...

Hellllooooo! La La La

What an eventful week...where to begin...

First of all, I was born. My official name is Elijah James Fox, but you can call me Eli - nice to meet you. Mom and the tall man (whom I'm told is called 'dad', but that's going to take some getting used to) went to the hospital in the middle of the night on Friday. I was not messing around; I came out at a little after 7am Saturday morning. Mom didn't get any of her 'feel better' medicine in time for me to come out but she doesn't seem mad at me.

There were very nice people at the building where I was born, especially Nurse Katina and Nurse Laura who helped my parents keep it together for two days. I'll tell you who was not nice though: Dr. Wheeler, who should have been called Dr. Wielder, the way he was coming at me with a knife. I don't know what was wrong with my dingus before, but it better be more efficient now.

The road home was a little bumpy. They tried to put me in my car seat and the straps wouldn't adjust and go all the way around my body. As if I didn't have body weight issues before! They even had to send the tall man, er Dad, out to get a new seat, but Mom saved the day as usual and fixed it.

I finally met my brother, the dog, who is known as Charlie, Charles, Char Dog, Chuckles and words that I'm not supposed to know yet, so I don't know what his actual name is. So far, we are very leery of each other but I'm sure we'll at least grow to tolerate each other. So, the gang is finally all together and now the real fun can start, right? I've included some photos from my first few days on Planet Earth. Mom says I look like the tall man and the tall man says I look like the dog.  Judge for yourself

Not So Fast!

***Update: No real change after the 39-week appt today. Although, the doctor did go ahead and schedule my exit for June 17th @ 5:30 in the morning. So, no matter what I'll be in your world in the next two weeks. -BF, 6/3***

So, two and a half weeks ago, Mom started going to weekly doctor's appointments. Her doctor, Dr, Welsh I believe, told her she was a "few caterpillars dilated" and "90-person E-Faced" or some such nonsense. This website explains better than I ever could. At any rate, this "doctor" told her that I would "be born" "any day now": I'm using air-quotes, you just can't see them.

Anywho, long story short...here we are after two more bogus appointments and I'm still safely nestled in Tummy Land. Why? Simple. I love messing with people. I may never come out. I may belong to the mailman. I may be a girl! I'm kidding of course. Girls are gross and I definitely belong to the Tall Man: you'll see when I come out. And it's not that I don't want to come out. But I want to be ready and I want my parents to be ready.

Coming out early would have meant I would've been a little under developed, mom would've had to miss the end of her school year, the tall man's vacation days would have been messed up and the dog would have been anxious. Then again, the dog always seems anxious. Besides, we need to give everybody time to guess my name, right? It's Beavis, cat's out of the bag.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the parents are trying to teach me my ABC's by watching the National Spelling Bee (Nerd Alert!). As you can see below, the dog has no interest in his ABC's.

One More Month!*

Johnny Cash once sang about Billy Joe getting restless on the farm. I feel Billy Joe's pain, even if I want to take my self to town, instead of my guns. I've been stewing in mom's juices for nine months and I'm ready to be done. The weather outside is starting to get warm, which makes my home downright toasty.

But enough about my current home...let's talk about my future home! All the showers have happened and I made out like a bandit. I believe I have just about everything I need and if I don't, the parents can pick it up at Target, which is fast becoming my favorite place ever. Yes sir, everything's working out Jim Dandy. I think my favorite gift was a stuffed fox named Cordy Roy from my aunt (not my aunt) Brittany. I included a picture of my new friend below. 

With my bachelor pad filling out nicely, I just need to break out of this place and Bob's your uncle! But will I have a name by then? Mom and the tall man are fairly certain (95% maybe) that they have the final name picked out but they're not telling anyone, not even the final choices. I just hope it helps me stand out. I don't want to be lost in the shuffle with every other Tom, Dick and Harry. I know a lot of you are wondering what my name is too. Well, I can't tell you, but I can give you clues. I have included a form of both my first and middle name in this blog somewhere. You can be a regular Perry Mason. 

*So the doctors say. A lot of my baby friends got out early for good behavior. You know: Luke, Parker, Owen, Chase. 

For Me? You Shouldn't Have...

But I'll take it!

Last Saturday, like several Saturdays in the future (wink), I was surrounded by ladies. They call it a 'baby shower', but I didn't feel any cleaner afterwards. In fact, there were a lot of people trying to put their hand on mom's tummy, which just happens to be my current home, thank you very much. I have a feeling if they could've gotten to my cheeks, there would've been some pinching. But I'm not complaining...there was free food.

And the presents...oh, the presents. All for little ol' me. It's a little embarrassing: I mean, I'm just a product of an ancient reproduction process. I am adorable, of course, but it's a bad precedent to shower (oh, that's where it comes from) a person with gifts for just existing before he even enters your world. Don't you think? The poor dog never gets anything and he's been around longer than me. Oh, I've been handed a note from the Tall Man: the dog never gets anything because he destroys anything he comes into contact with. He also says getting things for free is a perk of being a Fox, so I should get used to it.

Now, I'm just a baby, so I don't know what all the gizmos and gadgets that I got are supposed to do. But, there's a lot of toys, along with a lot of things with Foxes, Cardinals and Missouri Tigers on them. M-I-Z! And, that's just what I can see out of mom's viewfinder. I included a picture of it from my point of view. Enjoy! Because I still have T-minus 7 weeks (?!) before I can enjoy it.

I've got to come out where?

Wake up people! Big Brother is watching us...and I'm not talking about the dog. Whenever I'm ready to come into your world, all kinds of people are going to be up in my business.

The Fox family, (me included since I'm nestled in mom's tummy) sat in on a 'class' about how my 'birth' is going to go down. Down is the operative word in that sentence. Have you heard how I enter the world? Thank God I am not a girl. I don't have to watch those videos again until I have a baby myself, which is never going to happen because girls are gross.

At least I could flip around and skip the gross parts. The tall man got pretty queasy seeing the first video of a birth. Luckily, by the fourth (or fifth, or hundredth), he was numb to the miracle of life.

On the plus side, I did see the cushy place where I'm going to be staying once I'm out. It's called Postpartum, but to me it looks like the Ritz Carlton, whatever that is. I've included a picture from Boone Hospital's website along with a link to their baby section. It's a good site.

Suites

Imagine being able to experience the birth of your baby in the intimacy of home-like surroundings, and then relaxing with family and friends in the comfort of your own family room! The Boone Family Birthplace at Boone Hospital has been designed to provide you with the best possible environment in which to become acquainted with your new arrival.

This is Madness!

With the help of the tall man, I have filled out my first NCAA bracket. He gave me a lot of advice like: pick a team you think not many other people will have in the final four, don't go too heavy on early upsets and go with your gut. Mom was helpful too. She explained which teams had the better uniforms, what the names of the teams were, their mascots and most importantly, what basketball is. The dog didn't help at all, he tried to eat my bracket. I'll note that for later as it seems a good excuse if I'm running behind on my homework.

I was hooked on the NCAA tourney from the opening tip. There was the dizzying high of watching a team I picked (Notre Dame) win a close one in the first game. Then the diaper-filling low of watching my Elite Eight (Elite Eight!) Iowa St. Cyclones lose to UAB. The Tall Man says never trust a team with initials and now I know why. Besides, it could be worse: I heard the Tall Man say he had ISU in his Final Four while his less tall friend had Iowa State winning it all! I will say, if more of my final four teams lose, I'll have to join him in hitting the bottle...and by bottle I mean the amniotic sac that surrounds me - that's the only thing I can hit right now.

Read 'em and weep...not bad for a fetus

Moves Make the Man

So, the tall man has been trying desperately to feel me wiggling around in here, so I decided to give him a show. I've proven to be quite the exhibitionist. When it was revealed that I was a boy, I pretended to be shy for about 3 seconds before I did a barrel roll and spread eagle right in front of the camera. I felt like a Kardashian (Hey oh!).

Well, the barrel roll must be my move...mom decided to let the tall man feel her stomach for several minutes so his lame attempts to catch me in the act could be rewarded. Once again, I waited for about 3 seconds and did a 180-degree turn that I made sure he could feel. He then preceded to sprain his shoulder high-fiving himself as if he had some sort of control over it. When he put his hand there again, I completed the full turn for good measure. Mom said it was most aggressive move I've made so far and she's probably right. I guess I just perform best when the lights are brightest. Which, in this case, is a figure of speech because his giant man-hands blocked out what little light I get in here.

Since I haven't been able to procure a camera in here yet, I don't have any pictures of my move, but below is an artists' rendering:

Burrowing For the Winter

First of all, mom went to the doctor today and all appears to be well with my development, so that's awesome. I'm really getting my sea-legs. I've done several laps around pool usually after mom eats so I work off the nutrients I'm being given. I'm told moving around the womb is great for your abs and your quads...whatever those are. As active as I am, though, the large man still can't feel me kick/move at all. I can't help but laugh because I can hear him bumbling around outside. Soon enough, dude, soon enough.

Secondly, this Blog really gets results. Remember how I told you my parents were being lazy when it came to my outside home? Well, I must've lit a fire because all of sudden: we have a crib and changing table! Not only that, but the clutter is gone. There are a few photos included. Shout out to my cousins Will and Max for parting with their goodies. Now, if we can just get some sweet decorations in there. Anything but letters - they what? Why would they do that when I clearly can't read?

Parents just don't understand. 

Changing Table

                                                               

Crib

Hurry Up and Wait

With just four short months until my due date, my parents are totally slacking. They say I'm lazy because I just sit here and turn every few minutes, but if I'm so lazy, how is that I'm in the 60th percentile?! I'm kidding, I know size doesn't matter...

They're the lazy ones. My 'nursery' is nothing but a spare room with spare parts still in it. The Large Man had his friend, the Smaller Man, finally help him move the bigger furniture out of my room. But, it still doesn't look like a place where I wanna hang out. I included a picture below...pathetic.

Speaking of the Large Man, he and my mom have narrowed MY name down to a few choices. I still don't get a say, but at least they have been testing the names out when they talk to Mom's stomach. I'm not going to ruin the surprise here, because I was threatened with circumcision. How would I even let them know my disapproval. Fidget? They think that's cute. I would spit up, but I think at this point that ends up worse for me than either of them.

Anywho, I'm going to get some more of my 14 hours a day of sleep. Jealous? Check you during the third trimester.

                                                                    My Corner :(

I'm a boy!

Surprise! The cat is out of the bag...Mom and Dad saw my tiny Fox and now the whole world knows I'm a boy. Now, the search for a name begins.

In my last post, I told you I knew what sex I was - of course I did. I've been very proud of my penis since it formed. I even showed it off right away when the parents were spying on me with their fancy ultrasound. But I can't lie and say I know what my name is...for some reason, that's their choice.

I'm just as curious as you are. To be honest, that's why I was so anxious to show off my winky, because the sooner they knew I was a boy, the quicker the can give me my handle. Other news that made everyone happy was that I appear to be very healthy. I do feel pretty good. My face is rounding into shape and as you can see by the picture below, I've been doing a lot of arm curls in here...not much else to do.

I am a very lean, mean 14 ounces and am in the 60th percentile in size for boys my age. So, the line for suitors begins behind my mom, ladies. As you can see, I'm not shy.

Hello World!

Hi.

I am a baby.

My name is...not decided yet. I'm still in my mom's tummy. I'm due to enter the world June 10th. 

In fact, I don't even know if I'm a boy or a girl yet. Dad wants me to be a boy and Mom wants me to be a girl. This, of course, is not up to them. I already know what I am, it's pretty easy for me to tell if I have a penis or not. But, I don't want to spoil the surprise for them so I'm not going to tell you either just yet.

I decided to start blogging now because this is when the womb gets hopping. Pretty soon they will be able to feel me kick and Mom's belly will start showing. In other words: Its show time! Plus, my New Year's resolution is to start writing more. 

There will probably be a more up-to-date photo of me on January 22nd when my sex is revealed. But, for now, below is the original picture of me. Aren't I adorable?! My large brother, (can a dog be a brother?) Charlie, seems to be excited too. I went ahead and threw him a bone (ha!) and included a picture of him too.

Talk to you soon,

Baby Fox